I gotta give credit where credit is due, usually Jennifer Garner looks like the subject on What Not To Wear but on the set of her new film My Valentine she looked great.

Make it translate. A good blow out can last you 3 days honey.

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Quitting The Blog = FAIL

I can't do it.

All I wanted to do yesterday was blog, classic "don't know what you've got till it's gone" syndrome. Oh and on Friday after work I went out with my sister and I was being an UBER BIATCH. I was having a major bitch fest, I was spewing venom at everyone from fellow shoppers to innocent children. I truly believe this was because I didn't get my daily dose of blogging about celebrity stupidity so I took it out on people wearing crocs at Walmart.

Now, please don't think this was some effort to have you write nice things about me in the comments and have people ask me to come back, although hearing that was amazing. I seriously don't think anyone who doesn't work with me will ever know just how truly boring my job is. It's like an afternoon at the farmers market Jennifer Garner but instead, not just an afternoon, a whole 9 hours. I jumped the gun.

Anyways, I don't start my new job until August 31st, I shall be blogging 'till then. Some people may not come back because of my last post and I may be talking to myself here but hey thats how it was for the first year of this blog anyways so lets get started!

GD Garner

This would be part of the reason I don't like Jennifer Garner and I don't want to be her friend. You know 'cause she's just dying to be mine.

Here's what director Kevin Smith had to say about his Catch & Release costar:

“Jennifer does not share the same sense of humour as me — she did not like
my jokes. I was picking on Ben Affleck and making fun of him because I’ve known
him for a really long time and Jennifer goes, ‘You know, if you keep saying
stuff about him, I’m going to kick you’re ass.’ And she could, I’ve seen Alias.
She has a real girly sense of humour and didn’t understand that I was
kidding.”

I don't think Jennifer Garner would get any joke that doesn't start with knock knock.

Lighten up, take the non toxic, organic stick out of your ass Jennifer, have some fun that doesn't involve paper mache.









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What Not To Wear Does Blossom

I would rather go to the farmer's market with Jennifer Garner than have to watch a full episode of What Not To Wear. Mainly because Stacey London makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a pencil.

I will however be PVRing this Friday's episode because they are making over Blossom! Yep, Mayim Bialik will be the target of really bad puns and not at all funny attempts at jokes made by the hosts of this crap fest.

Mayim's problem is she doesn't give a rats ass what she looks like, "I'm frugal" she says "I don't have time to shop and I'm usually wearing clothes three sizes too big. It's not a priority for me to be a sexpot because kids don't care!"

Mayim also doesn't wear leather or pants,when I first read that I thought it said leather pants and I was like "well yeah, Sharon Stone's really the only one left that does" but that's not what it said, she actually doesn't wear pants, it's skirts or dresses all the time.

Finger's crossed that they have access to all those ridiculous hats from Blossom, oh and that six will make a guest appearance.

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HA! YOU SUCK!

Katherine Heigl thinks a little too highly of herself and it costed her a job.

Producers were looking at her for an Ensemble Movie called Valentines Day that due out in February of 2011.

During the talks Katherine (her people) came back demanding $3 million for the role. They basically laughed at her ass and moved down the casting list.

Since it's an ensemble piece there's no lead so the number was too high for her to do 3-14 days work.

The actors already attached to the film are Julia Roberts, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Shirley MacLaine and Bradley Cooper.

She will not be missed.

For the record her rep denies this story

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Jennifer Garner Actually Looks Nice

Jennifer Garner left David Letterman's joint looking like she had a run in with The Sham Wow dude.

I'm sure some reporter will get the breaking news of what happened to her arm and knee. I swear to god it wasn't me...I swear to god I didn't push her down the stairs last Monday at 9pm...



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Fruit N' Stuff

Jessica Alba and the child who never smiles hit the Farmer's Market, Jennifer Garner later issued a statement about Jessica "steppin' on her turf", it may get ugly.

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Maybe I'm Just A Bitch?

Jennifer Garner's sister is visiting her and she makes me mad too. It must just be something about that family that makes me inexplicably angry.

She reminds me of Felicity Huffman circa Transamerica.



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Jennifer Garner's Closet: where style goes to die

Jennifer Garner takes Violet to school.

Nice pants.

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Name Game

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have released the name of their new daughter.

Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck

Bad. Horrible. Seraphina? What the GD Hell?

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Another Girl!

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are parents to another baby girl.

Jen gave birth yesterday (Tuesday) in Los Angeles.

No name has been released yet but I'm hoping it's not another flower name.

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BFF's Fo Life

Reese Witherspoon and Jake G went hiking with Robert Downey Jr. and his wife Susan.

Very random, feels like it should be Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck with Reese and Jake. Talking about pies and good preschools.

Although I'm sure R. D. Jr. makes a mean Brownie ;)

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Jennifer Garner spent her Christmas with the people who know her most, her true friends that see her almost everyday...the people at the Farmer's Market.

As much as I can't stand this woman I do feel pity, she really needs to get that thing out of there. She's freaking huge.

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No Gifts!

Brad Pitt talks to Hello Magazine about the Kid's Christmas.

"The kids don’t ask for big gifts for the reason that they don’t see a lot
of the American cartoon television, which is packed with all those manipulative
commercials for big toys that look so fantastic.‘When they do see that stuff is
when they start asking for the toys, so we figure if they don’t see them they
won’t know they’re there.
‘So we have gifts, but we try to keep the money spent to a minimum. The rule is that everyone’s got to make something for someone else, you got to put time into it."

This is good because they won't be spoiled greedy bastards like most of the rest of the world's children at Christmas but on the other hand, you're rich, buy your kid some GD Hot wheels!

Don't be like Jennifer Garner and make you kids do crafts until their fingers fall off and then sing together as a family by the fire. Let them eat whatever they want and eventually pass out into a diabetic coma until Christmas morning when they can open their mounds of overpriced toys. I was not rich growing up but I always had lots of toys at Christmas.

IT'S CHRISTMAS, no macaroni art!

About To Pop

Jennifer Garner and Violet do some shopping int he Arts And Crafts Section. Shocker.

Also I would like to point out that those clips she has in her hair annoy the hell out of me. When I see someone in public with them in their hair I want to scream.

They are done, over, get your ass a bobby pin.

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IT'S SATURDAY!

Jennifer Garner, Ben Affleck and Violet leave ART CLASS in Santa Monica with Violet's cotton ball snowman.

I can't with this one anymore.

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Still Knocked Up

Jennifer Garner and Violet.

Probably on their way to make organic macaroni art or something.

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Jennifer Garner...guess where

Jennifer Garner at the Farmer's Market in these ridiculous clothes, she's such a waste of a rich person.

Nothing new here except the fact the she's really popped in the last week or so.

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Add Jennifer Garner And I Would Combust

Paris Hilton and my arch enemy Avril Levigne partied together in LA this weekend.

The conversation must have been enthralling.

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JEnnifer Garner Has A Stalker

There's a man out there named Steven Burky who loves Jennifer Garner and her mom jeans.

Apparently Burky has been stalking Jennifer since 2002. Click here to see some letters he has wrote her over the years, he's whacked.

Jennifer has found it necessary to have a restraining order put against the man that prohibits him from coming near her, Ben, Violet, the nanny and Jennifer's assistant. Jen states in court documents,

"I now fear not only for my personal safety, but also for the safety and well-being of those that I love and care about most, including my husband and daughter. Also, I am currently pregnant and fear for the safety of my second child once born."

All this guy has to do to see her is park his ass at the Farmer's Market, she like lives there.

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