Goodbye...no for reals...

Here we go again...I can hear the sneers from here, "Shut up Cher!". Sadly for moi, I will not be pulling a Dancing With The Stars comeback after today. my desk has been cleaned my unfinished work has been shredded and I' m outta here!

Thanks again for making me want to do this everyday, and for your support.

Lets hope the world keeps giving up head shaving breakdowns and coked out car chases because it's really all that matters. It's times like these that make us Whatevah readers smile.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Everyone please say a prayer for Brad Pitt for in about 2.3 seconds he'll be grabbed from the street and thrown into the back of a van.

In a recent interview with a German magazine this is how Brad responded when asked to compare his new Nazi flick with Tom Cruise's Valkyrie.

"It was a ridiculous movie."

Um...Xenu be with you Brad, Xenu be with you. You cannot talk bad about the patron saint of Scientology. You will die.

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Make it A Winehouse Night

Amy Winehouse went out last night in London , got plastered, spilled, cried and headed home for a midnight snack of crack and cheese.

Apparently she was crying inconsolably about her divorce.

Oh and the white stuff under her nose may just be dry skin but with her you never know.

New Ad

Scarlett Johansson's new ad for Dolce & Gabbana's scent Rose The One.

Much better than Mimi.






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Bump Watch '09

Sarah Michelle Geller taking her dog to the vet, that's pretty much all she ever does.

Heidi Klum chills at the beach.

Ellen Pompeo continues to wow us with her colorful wardrobe.


Gisele Bundchen.



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Carey Poses

Mariah Carey's new ad for her fragrance.

It looks to me like a glamorous depends ad, her face just screams "Uh Oh" to me.





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Leann Rimes and Eddie Cibrian are out and proud. The two were spotted playing the most boringest (it's a word now bitch) game evah, Golf.

Eddie recently said this the Entertainment Tonight:

"When you reach a certain point in your career, you're placed in this unfair
fishbowl."

When you're a married dlist celeb and you sleep with another married dlist celeb that's when you're put in a fishbowl, Bud. It's not like we all dropped everything and started watching you after your moving performance on Sabrina The Teenage Witch.

STFU and play golf dumbass.

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Dinner With Hugh

Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant grab a bite in NYC. The pair just finished filming "Did You Hear About The Morgans?", a film about a New York couple who are relocated to a small town after witnessing a murder .

I don't care how much I love this woman I would cut her for that Chanel.

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Trainwreck

Lindsay Lohan is really starting to look like an addict, before when it was all shopping and clubbing and hair/mani/pedi appointments it was all good but eventually all that shite can't compete with the lifestyle.

She's stating to look like she should be talking about the gypsies who are watching her, soon she'll be wrapped in tinfoil under a matress in the subway so they can't see her.

Seriously girl, get to Promises, or at least take a really long nap or something.

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Ricky With Kids

Ricky Martin and his children....um...he looks good!


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Renee Premieres

Renee Zellweger steps out for the premiere of My One and Only in NYC sans her new piece Bradley Cooper.

The films is "a 1950s-set comedy in which the glamorous Anne Deveraux (Zellweger) embarks on a drive down the Eastern Seaboard in a quixotic search for a wealthy man to fund a new life for her and her sons". It also stars Kevin Bacon, Chris Noth and Eric McCormack.

All that aside, I'm just really glad she lost the 90's teenaged boy hair.



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Wednesday: Cover Day!

Star makes a whole cover out of Jennifer Love Hewitt's ass.

Us Magazine says Bradley chose Rene over Jennifer, doesn't seem like too hard a decision.

Sherri Shepherd showcases her weight loss on the cover of OK. That "without surgery" line is definitely a stab at Star Jones.

Life & Style holds back with Dirt, I believe Douche is what they are meaning.

InTouch says Xenu and Katie are on the outs. They also say Brad Pitt's drinking "isn't a joke", drinking is never a joke. I probably drank more on my last vacate then he has all year.

Alyssa Milano shares her wedding photos with People Magazine.

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Spears Appearance

Britney Spears made a guest appearance on Letterman last night to read the Top Ten Ways the Country Would Be Different if Britney Spears Were President. It was a pre-taped appearance and she did it in a bikini. You know just because...

And the reason's are...

10. I’d be the first president to wear eye shadow since Nixon.

9. We would only invade fun places like Cabo.

8. Free pie for everybody.

7. My situation room would be a cabana at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas.

6. I’d lure Osama out of hiding with the irresistible scent of my new fragrance “Circus Fantasy.”

5. Every presidential news conference would feature costume changes.

4. America might have a more coherent fiscal strategy.

3. Challenge U.S. to put nightclub on the moon by the end of the decade.

2. Three words: Vice President Diddy

1. Finally the media would pay some attention to me.

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Baby News...maybe

Colin Farrell and his girlfriend Alicja Bachleda-Curuś showed up at Los Angeles airport this weekend and the girlfriend looked pretty knocked up.

There's been no announcement about them expecting but they've been together for seven months so unless she was visited by Angels Ala The Virgin Mary...Colin's gonna be a pops again.


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ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

Robin Wright Penn has filled for divorce...AGAIN!

The papers were processed on August 12th.

Again, the couple filled for separation in December of 2007 were back on in April 2008 then off in April 2009 then back in May 2009 now off in August of 2009.

This is it Penns, I'm done with posting this shite. You are not allowed to get back together! Pack it up and move on, put a deposit down on a U-haul, maybe that'll be incentive to not call off the calling it off.





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Good Boy

SEan Preston learns from Daddy KFed.

His hand's in her purse already, they're like sponges at that age eh?





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Baby News

Celine Dion is knocked up again.

This will be her second kid. She's 41 and her husband is 96. Their rep:

"Celine and René [Angélil] are very happy," and "They are crazy in love over
the news and ... they are overjoyed."

For the sake of the non hair cutting situation, lets hope it's a girl.





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Madge On Water

Madonna and her kids/manchild boyfriend are vacationing in Italy.

It looks as though she's also brought along a personal umbrella holder who's been instructed to follow her into the water as well as on dry land . Man...I need money.

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Poor Baby

My boyfriend Mark Wahlberg was rushed to the hospital when he woke up gasping for air. Apparently he inhaled too much fake smoke from the smoke machines on the set of his new film.

He was given oxygen and was back on set that day.

So really there's nothing to report here, I just wanted to post a pic of him.





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HOLY SHITE!

I was greeted this morning with a sex tape from Eric Dane, his wife Rebecca Gayheart and former Miss Teen USA Kari Ann Peniche.

Its not really a sex tape, more of a tape of them naked and high as hell chilling in bed and in the hot tub. At one point they try to find their drag names by the first dog and first street rules.

Click here, Gawker has the semi censored version, they can point you to the uncensored version. And if you're at work and can't watch, I'll just tell you that Eric Dane's not working with much. McSteamy he is not. It's quite obvious that this link is NSFW and there is some nudity.

Here's what Eric's lawyer had to say:

"This is simply a private, consensual moment involving a married couple,
shot several years ago, which was never intended to be seen by the public." The
statement continues: "Although the participants are nude, the tape is not a 'sex
tape.' It is a private tape made for only my clients' personal use, and nobody
has the right to exploit it. If anyone exploits the tape, they will be violating
my clients' rights and will be exposed to significant liability."

Blah blah blah, they are stoner swingers, whatevah.

Kari says that the recording was stolen from her hard drive by MINDY MCCREADY (this story gets better and better) a country singer turned crackwhore. Mindy and Kari were roommates after they appeared together on Celebrity Rehab.

This is just beyond fabulous.






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BP Got a Job

The new Sherlock Holmes film has been done shooting for a while but when Guy Richie (the Director) was editing he thought he needed to make Sherlock's arch enemy Professor Moriarty a bigger part of the film since he's only mentioned. So who you gonna call...why Brad Pitt of course.

Brad will start shooting all over London in what's expected to be a ten day shoot.

Brad and Guy have worked together before on the film Snatch. There's no way a professor will match the HOTNESS that was Mickey O'Neil though...





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