The Hills...spilling the beans

I'm pretty aware that everyone, even fans of The Hills, know it's completely edited and scripted all to hell. Do I look like I give a rats ass on Monday night? NO!

Date guy from last week has had an interview that will squash the hopes of anyone who still believes the drama is raw and real.

It's long so if you're not interested keep scrolling.

Alright, man. I’m just gonna come right out and ask: how the hell did you get

involved with this televised Crazy Carnival?

Last year I was booked on an editorial modeling gig, posing with Lauren for this interview she did in People Magazine (ED NOTE: photo above). We got along, and she kept trying to set me up with Heidi, because she was on a break from Spencer or something back then, and Lauren was trying to get her to move on. But nothing ever happened with that and Lauren was dating Jason (Wahler) at the time, so we didn’t keep in touch at all. Then in August I got a call from my agency to go to a casting call for Teen Vogue, and Lauren and the camera crews just so happened to be there. She remembered me from our shoot, and the next thing I know, a producer’s asking me to ask Lauren for her number, and I’m signing release forms and being shot for The Hills. They wanted me to ask her about the runway show, how long she had worked that day, when would she get off, stuff like that.

That’s insane. So was your whole experience on the show like that?

Absolutely, from the very beginning. Like, they totally set up the BBQ scene for Brody and I to meet each other and talk because, as they said, “the audience would get a kick out of seeing ‘the ex’ talking to ‘the new guy’.” So they rent this house in Malibu for a set, bought a bunch of food and drinks, and just filmed us hanging out. Brody would talk all this sh*t, then be like, “Sorry about that, we’re just trying to make good television.” Like at one point, some other dude walked up to us while we were talking, and Brody goes, “We’re trying to film a scene here. Do you mind?”, like he’s interrupting our lines. Haha, it was some of the best acting I’ve ever done.

Would you say Bro-Dog Jenner is a Cooler Dude in person, on TV, or just Totally Cool everywhere, all the time?

The interesting thing is Brody – off camera - was a pretty chill guy. When the show came out and he was saying stuff about me - like I was short, too perfect, boring, etc - I didn’t get pissed because I know that’s all solely done for The Hills. He creates drama and a storyline. That’s why he is there.

So the big date with Lauren. What did you two actually talk about for the hours and hours you spent together that we didn’t see on the show?

I honestly had a really hard time talking to her - she’s kind of a conversation killer, and when the cameras are rolling, all conversation is kept firmly on the surface. She talked about how mean Perez Hilton was, and how you have to be nice to the Paparazzi so they don’t release the uglier pictures of you. I don’t know – pop culture, Red Bull, stuff like that. In fact, the most interesting thing I got out of her was that she isn’t allowed to eat ice cream because her trainer told her she can’t.

That sounds like some riveting dinner discussion.

Ha, yeah. What you see is really what you get with these people. Lots of fascinating discussion about “the club”, Vegas, getting drunk, Heidi is evil, and so on. The lack of depth was actually uncomfortable for me. Like, how can nothing be everything you talk about? OH, I forgot – lots of talk about Lauren’s clothing line. That’s pretty important, right?

So let’s discuss about Nail-Polish-Gate. Some websites (I think mostly MySpace blogs written by teenagers who actually care about this stuff) are making a big scandal about the fact that Lauren was wearing red nail polish on your date, and when she got home and immediately (as we’re led to believe) called Bro-Dog, the nail polish was GONE, which suggest that The Hills MIGHT NOT REALLY BE REAL. Please, tell us this is not true.

Well here’s the thing. The show makes it seem like she got home from the date earlier, but in reality we hung out at The Grove for a couple hours after dinner (for some reason she took me to Barnes & Noble to show me this book they made about Season 1 of The Hills), then later went to the club Les Deux, and stayed out until about 2:30 or so. I don’t know what she did when I dropped her off, but if that’s “early night” for those two, they must have Insomnia.

What does Lauren smell like? My guess is Jolly Ranchers, Rose Petal body spray and medication?

She was odorless.

Dammit. So how did this big adventure finally end?

Well we shot all this back in August, and I didn’t film anything else, nor did I talk to Lauren again after our date night. Someone from MTV called two weeks later to see about me asking Lauren and Whitney out on a double date, but nothing happened with that. In fact, I actually feel like I had more of a relationship with my MTV contact than I ever did with Lauren.

Is there anything else you’d like us to know?

Well, this is sort of silly, but I ordered that Salmon Roll for myself and Lauren said she would like to try a piece, so of course MTV edited the scene to make it look like I’m force-feeding her the salmon that she hates, which I would never do on a date. Also, I guess people should just try to remember that this is all entertainment, and just as I’m not the boring dork they made me out to be, Lauren and the other people on the show are sometimes capable of being nice, decent, funny people. Except for Spencer, I hear he’s really like that.

Sorry to the people who are not interested..there's a lot of text there.

Does this effect my watching habits? HELL NO!

BRING ON THE FAKE DRAMA!

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